


Apologies

by engine



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-20
Updated: 2008-06-20
Packaged: 2019-09-28 20:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engine/pseuds/engine
Summary: Sometimes, Gau would pretend to be asleep.





	Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on LJ.

Sometimes, when Raikou visited, Gau would pretend to be asleep.

Raikou would come in quietly, not wanting to disturb him, and sit in the chair that was always positioned on Gau’s right side. Gau would feel his gaze on him, but refuse to open his eyes. He had a feeling Raikou knew he was faking it, but if he did he never said anything. Often, Raikou would simply sit and watch, hoping that Gau would open his eyes to look at him, but not wanting to say anything to try and get him to. Other times, rarer than the former, but much more precious, Raikou would take his hand, holding it close to his face. Sometimes, Gau would feel a tear against his palm.

He never said anything, when that happened.

There was nothing different about today. Today was a completely normal day in the life of Gau, recuperating from being sliced across the chest by Raikou, two weeks, three weeks, almost four weeks after the fact. Unlike Raimei, Gau was not strong. His body was not above average. And Raikou had struck with the intent to kill. Today was, simply put, a day filled with the smell of antiseptic, nurses bumbling, and Raikou visiting. 

Except today was _completely_ different, because Raikou had come in earlier than normal, and Gau was sitting up in bed, reading a book—the book Raikou had left for him after his last visit—and Gau hadn’t been able to feign sleep. He stared at Raikou, book slipping from his hands; he didn’t want to face Raikou again, not yet, not until he was out of the hospital. He had seen Raikou a bit after he had first awakened, but between missions, the Shinrabanshou joining Kairoushuu—thankfully—and settling, slowly, matters with Raimei, Raikou hadn't had time to visit very much. Gau wasn't jealous: really, he wasn't. He simply wished he could see Raikou more. But every time Raikou came to visit, Gau hadn’t done anything, said anything, didn’t even move.

“Gau.” Raikou’s voice cut through his thoughts sharply, and he looked over at Raikou, wearing his usual outfit, his Wakachi outfit, a katana strapped to his side. (How did he get in with—oh, of course, Kairoushuu owned the hospital. Gau had forgotten.) He wasn’t wearing an expression, and Gau felt his own falter. He choked back the words he wanted to say, the tears that threatened to fall. Because he _couldn’t_ cry: he wanted to be Raikou’s strength, and to be that strength he had to be his own strength first.

Raikou moved next to his bed, but sat on the edge of it instead of in his usual chair. Watching, wordlessly, Gau swallowed, fingers tightening against the fabric of the hospital blanket. Raikou’s expression was unreadable, and his eyes were downcast, covered by bright pink hair that was much happier than Raikou himself.

“Gau,” he said again, finally, still not looking at him. “Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Gau’s eyebrows pulled together, confused. “What do you—“

“You don’t speak to me when I visit.” He paused, and Gau didn’t say anything. “When you were first admitted to the hospital after—“ Raikou’s throat constricted and his speech cut off, and Gau wondered what he was trying to say. “Even after you woke up, you wouldn’t let me talk about it. You wouldn’t let me apol—!”

Grabbing tightly at the back of Raikou’s shirt, Gau dipped his head, not looking up even when Raikou turned to look at him, confused.

“Raikou-san doesn’t have to apologize,” he said, softly, and heard Raikou’s sharp intake of breath, continuing anyway. “It was my fault for telling Raimei, and I deserved—!”

“I can’t lose you!”

Raikou’s grip on his shoulders was tight. Raikou’s eyes bored into his own. Gau felt something inside of him snap.

“I can’t…” Raikou’s voice cracked, and he turned the rest of the way around, leaning forward to rest his head against Gau’s chest. “When you stopped moving… when your hand fell…” Gau watched, listened, confused, hands still gripping the blanket, as Raikou tried to form his thoughts into words. It was strange, he thought, watching Raikou struggle, that it should turn out like this. He had always thought that, in the end, it would be he who tried desperately to cling to Raikou, when he finally decided Gau wasn’t interesting anymore.

Raikou pulled back a little, and Gau started. “Raikou—” He was cut off as Raikou’s hands came up to cup his face; he looked up at Raikou, who simply smiled softly, face still wet from crying.

“I was so scared, Gau. I’m still scared. I’m scared you’ll hate me. That—that you’ll leave. You can leave me at any time! You idolize me, and follow me blindly, but you could leave whenever you wanted, because—because I—” Raikou broke off, face contorting with fear, sadness, and above all—

Slowly, Gau lifted up his hands, resting them gently on top of Raikou’s, smiling a watery smile. Raikou watched, silently, confused, and still worried Gau would leave—although he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Raikou,” he said softly, a few tears spilling over as his cheeks darkened just a little. Raikou’s eyes widened, surprised at the lack of the usual honorific tagged onto his name. “I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled a bit more, hoping that it would encourage Raikou—and it did, as Raikou smiled the slightest bit as well. “I promise.” He leaned forward, resting his forehead against Raikou’s, letting his eyes fall shut. “I’m always going to be right next to you, cleaning up your mess.”

And then Raikou leaned forward, pressing a feather light kiss to his mouth, smiling just a little bit. Gau felt a single tear drip from Raikou’s face onto his, before Raikou pulled away.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said softly, before leaning forward, kissing him again, stealing Gau’s breath away just as he had back when he first saved him, but in a drastically different way.


End file.
